Looking Back posts are my effort to journal the diabetes times
that have gone before the start of this blog.
Diagnosis 1: Pink, age 10
I think this will work better if I bullet it because that is how it currently resides in my memory.
Stopping at home before going to school to throw together a couple bags and get favorite stuffed Puppy because no one could tell me if she would be admitted.
Standing in the kitchen facing the door to go get Pink thinking "I'll just wait 15 min. Give her 15 minutes more of not knowing. 15 minutes. 15 minutes before everything changes." I waited 10 minutes.
Pulling Pink out of class and telling her we have to go to the doctor. She asks me why, I tell her we are pretty sure you have diabetes, "Oh. I do?" Just like that. As if I had just told her she had two different shoes on.
No chatting for the 45 min drive to the Children's hospital. I wonder what she was thinking. I was not thinking.
Being feet away from the clinic and not able to figure out how to get into the f-ing parking lot.
It was only Pink and myself.
During the first blood sugar check I said "She just ate." My innocent and carefree life's last breath for it not to be true.
Holding it together in the clinic -just don't touch me or show me any sympathy because I'm just barely holding together.
Did I reassure Pink enough while sitting in that small exam room for 4 hours?
What the hell is an A1C. Just saw the chart where the 12 was much higher than the shaded area indicating normal.
Hands shaking while injecting the saline in the smoochy ball. Hands not shaking when injecting Pink.
Chicken scratches written minutes before injecting Pink for the first time.
So thankful that I was born with that switch that makes me be "do what has to be done" in an emergency...or a life changing diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes.
Pink not saying much of anything. Typical.
I was aware enough to know I needed to jot down the instructions for just drawing up and injecting insulin because I think I might have been in a little bit of shock.
Leaving with 2 huge bags of supplies. Little did I know that was the tip of the iceberg.
Saying over and over, to my naive self and everyone else, that it could be worse. Stupid. It's all bad no matter what it's called. I think that was a survival technique.
Feeling whipped on the ride home and fighting the urge to pull over to check Pink's blood sugar.
Could no longer hold back some silent tears on the ride home.
My whole life I've sometimes felt shaky, hot and\or sweaty when I've gotten too hungry. Since T1 has come into my life I've often wondered what my non-D blood sugar would read at these shaky times. It just never worked out for me to check. (I feel awkward testing my blood sugar in front of the girls - don't know why.)
Today I had a pre-lunch shaky so I grabbed the extra meter I carry in my purse....
Then remember Bigfoot brave post. Will check 2 hr after eat.
son of a...Ouch!
I'll give it another 45 min. Good plan.
Now a little obsessed. 30 minutes later (3hr 15min after lunch)
(face scrunched up in anticipation of the lancing)oh, not too bad 102
Another test is probably in order. But more importantly,
Of all that is holy, lancing your finger hurts! One finger still hurts.
Poor girlies!!! I'm sooo sorry you have to do this to your bodies! If I could take it away I would!
Since diabetes camp this summer Roo has been unusually motivated to lower her A1C. It wasn't anything to stress over before but who am I to stop progress. I think it had to do with that What's your A1C? sharing that goes on at camp. And the verdict......
Down one entire point!!
Way to go girlfriend!!!
Pink's was also good! A non-bolded and single exclamation point celebration because I actually think Pink's A1C was wrong. We went through our first nasty puberty high BG barrage with minimal lows and there is NO WAY, bébé, the A1C was that low. I can usually get behind a decent A1C when the highs come right down but these were highs that drank the insulin like it was water and spat it back out at me. Oh well, moving on. I generally know where we stand.
Roo will be turning 16 next week. (EEEeekkk! Stay off the roads!) She has been very responsible with her independent diabetes care. So much so that I've noticed her introducing some, how should I say, "by feeling" management techniques. She has a sense. The d-sense. Different than my d-mama sense. I don't know if it is because of how her body feels. Or because she has learned from repetitiveness without really realizing it. She has so far not been interested in talking at any length about managing diabetes or the dirty detail of insulin adjustments. I've asked her why she gave an extra bit of insulin once and she could not explain it. She seemed to do it at the same time each day. Don't get me wrong. I think this is amazing! But she is also adamant that I be the primary diabetes manager. I make all the insulin adjustments. This brought on a talk we had to have about how I cannot be the ideal pancreas if we both don't follow the same rules. So when she is d-sensing she should let me know so we can make the adjustments in the pump. So we set some ground rules:
1. accurate carb counting
2. following the pump settings and suggestions
3. discuss when she is feeling the d-sense so I can make the changes in the pump instead.
I think we have found a good place for this awkward, early transition time. And hopefully this will move her naturally and gradually to more diabetes management.
Just typing "transition" makes me think of college and brings on another chapter of anxiety...to follow the driving chapter.
The only thing I've figured out about extended boluses is that I haven't figured them out yet. Only recently has Pink started needing this most excellent feature of pumping. I've identified pizza and hamburgers as two troublemakers. No surprise there.
Supper tonight was a hamburger and fries at our favorite local, family owned, Greek restaurant.
>>60% up front (5.40u) -> 40% over 2 hrs (3.55u)
930 3.3u 30carbs (ate the 30carbs about 15 min later)
10:30pm...82bg (treated) ---No wonder she was HUNGRY at 9:30!
Will continue to check since she has 2 units still on board. WTH?
Oh - I had a Mo's salad. Greens, tomatoes, olives, feta cheese, marinated grilled chicken, cucumbers (picked off), Greek oil dressing with a side of warmed pita bread. Deelish!
Hey! There is a box cake still down in the cupboard! HEEHEEEE! But it's kinda late. Who cares. The girls will think I'm super cool! 3 minutes get butt up. 10 min prep. 30 min bake. Pink has been a little high today. Crap, 15 min to cool. Sounds so good with milk. Not very responsible diabetes bedtime snack. I'll have to delay my bedtime for an extra check. Sleep? - cake? - sleep. - cake? - sleep? - cake. Must provide good example for children with diabetes. Super cool mom potential Don't need a bigger backyard than I already have.
RESULT: cheese stick, Project Runway and low 100s at 3:00am.