Over Thanksgiving I was talking with someone about diabetes and the other person, let's call them Pam, told me her doctor had asked her to check her blood sugar once a month just to watch out for high blood sugar. Pam is probably slightly at risk for Type 2 but has other health issues so I think the doc doesn't want diabetes sneaking in. I asked her when the doc asked her to check and she told me once a month.
Now, I don't know jack about Type 2 diabetes but something happened to me. I got really pissed off. I asked Pam if the doctor had told her to check first thing in the morning or 2 hours after eating? Nope - just anytime, once a month. I told her she should check at those times. She said the doctor said anytime works.
Here it comes.....
My absolute best moment of spreading diabetes education...
"You should listen to me about diabetes. (finger pointing repeatedly to my chest) A lot of doctors don't know much about diabetes."
I. AM. A. MORON.
What I meant to say was:
"That's really great your doctor is watching out for diabetes! You might get more information from a fasting reading or maybe two hours after you eat. Readings from those times could give you an earlier indication that something is going on. Maybe you could ask your doctor about that. And if you do see some high numbers be sure to ask for an A1C test and see an endocrinologist. They would be more experienced with diabetes. Diabetes is nothing to mess around with."
I have to remember the girls don't see things the same as I do. The girls' memories are not what I think they are.
The other day Roo and I were reminiscing. We were recalling our weekly trips to the library when the girls were younger. I love our library. My memories go to the quiet and the browsing of the books in the small children's room. How the girls always started reading the books instead of putting them in the check-out pile. Sometimes we would be in a rush and sometimes we would have time to sit at the mini table and chairs together and read a book. (I would bang my knee every time!) Then we would head home with a book bag so loaded the strap would cut into my fingers.
Roo only remembers how she wanted the prizes. That's right...the prizes.
What? That's it? The prizes from the summer reading program? Not the warm fuzzy of the library and the books and how they smell and the mommy/daughter time?
In regards to diabetes, I see myself as a mother keeping her kids healthy and safe. I would hope my girls would remember that I took good care of them and readied them to be adults with diabetes. I'm afraid Roo is going to remember me, post diagnosis, as a sleep-deprived zombie obsessed with diabetes. Some comments have come up indicating that she does not like that I check them at night resulting in my loss of sleep. She even has commented how the numbers have been good - "We'll be OK - get some rest." There have been some sighs if I'm seen reading a book or website about diabetes.
I think I'm successfully integrating the daily management, reading, night checks with all the other life stuff but I think she sees a different picture. What she sees now will build her memories. I don't want her to remember the zombie or remember how she worried about the zombie. Or the unspeakable...if she blames herself...how her diagnosis of diabetes created the zombie.
I'm not willing to give up what I do to educate and keep Roo and Pink healthy. Do I hide some of it? I kind of want them to see my hard work and maybe set that as a base line for the effort they'll need to put in as an adult. Or maybe that will make them feel totally defeated later when they go through a burnout stage?! It would be good to talk a little about it with them but they hate talking about diabetes. Maybe I should just sit them down for a very short chat. But then they might clam up even more. How am I supposed to know?! Time is moving too fast.
I guess I can only reassure them (but keep doing what I'm doing) and increase the warm fuzziness of life and hope those memories stick. Instead of saying "Do you remember when you had that geyser that shot clear across the table when lancing your finger?" (which I thought was hysterical) I'll say "Do you remember that time I thought I lost you at the library and you were sitting on the floor reading, hidden between the book stacks?
But then again, at the start of this I said "the girls don't see things the same as I do" so when Roo says "get some rest" she probably just wants to get rid of me!
409 at 11:00pm. Where did THAT come from. Why, oh, why? Hands clean. Correction through pump. Temp basal for 30 minutes at 150%. I think it should be more but don't change it. I don't know why.
I watch some of The Walking Dead. Very gory. Repetitive.
Chased by zombies, smash in zombie heads, talk about life with zombies, repeat.
I feel stupid because I didn't figure out she was in the barn the whole time.
The check two hours later yields a 364. Correction through pump.
I briefly think about emptying the dishwasher but finish off The Walking Dead instead.
Another check at 1.5 hours gives up a 341. I should probably change the site but the last time I changed a site in the night Pink didn't move a muscle but her eyes POPPED open. Like a close up shot of the villain of a suspense flick whose eyes fly open at the last second to let you know he lives to do evil another day. Or like Bella. I decide to give an injection and add a half unit. Pink has fallen asleep in her jeans so I fish down her pants to her leg site and fumble blindly to unhook her site. Sites that are not parent friendly. I hang the tube off the side of the bed and bolus the carpet so the pump will continue to keep track of the insulin on board.
I double check the syringe for the correct amount. It's 2:30am. I triple check.
Walking down the hall with the loaded syringe I hope I don't trip and impale myself with a syringe holding 2 units of insulin. I check for ketones and think how friendly the ketone meter is to beep at me when it has enough blood. No ketones. I dig back into her jeans to make sure I connected to the current site and not an old one she still might have hanging out in there.
I debate whether I should catch an hour of sleep or just stay awake. Awake is safer.
I pass the time by starting this post and spend several minutes trying to figure out how to spell "yield". Yeld...yeald...yeild...does not compute. Maybe awake is not safer.
It's 4:30 and the dog looks at me for a solid minute trying to determine if it's potty time or not. Not.
342. Dammit all to hell. Site change. Grumpy Pink. Temp basal. Cancel temp basal because I moved the site to her tummy and she usually gets zippity-do-dah insulin action at the start of a tummy site and I need to lay down and am scared I won't wake up to check.
When will I learn that numbers that high in Pink need aggression?! I could have had this knocked down by now. 300s all freaking night. Poor baby girl. I hate nights like this but I won't be defeated. Good night morning.
It's been 5 days since Roo has gone back on MDI (multiple daily injections). It's been...OK. Numbers are still too high. More 200s than 100s. I tend to be cautious because 1. she spends so much time away from me now and 2. She's a I-say-in-the-most-loving-way flighty teenager and 3. I'm a big fat chicken.
She has been on the run constantly and grabbing food here and there. Football is finally done and now the musical is done so she should be able to go back to some kind of eating schedule.
no pump under there
There have been some struggles with communication. It's been a constant stream of reminding and preaching about remembering when she last bolused and not correcting before 4 hours. Which usually doesn't go over well with the everyday normal level of teenage contrariness. Also piecing together a log from a couple meters, my brain d-mush and her brain teen-mush has been interesting. Tonight was a good evening good mood, little homework, full belly and I think we made some progress with talk of using one meter if possible, maybe a little notebook in her insulin case and supper bolus change decision made TOGETHER.
Today I mentioned this tool that shows the time since your last bolus in the pen lid and she just gave me her crooked grin and said "Leave it to you to find something like that." I need a little more love than that!
I have upped her Lantus one time by one unit because she was just constantly high. which is absolutely appropriate for only 5 days in. please send patience That gave us only a couple in range numbers that hardly count at all. Tonight we moved her supper I:C ratio from 1:20 to 1:16. I would like to get the Lantus set before making changes to I:C but after supper she has been so high it blew the whole night after night after night testings. Yawn That coupled with trying to dig my way through 10 layers of clothes and a robe to do a correction injection at 3:00am gave me motivation to get a good bed time number. Tonight just might work out. She was actually home at a decent hour and she had a 2 hr after supper number of 134. I got a good amount of protein in her so hopefully she has enough food on board not to go low. Fingers crossed.
Update: She did not go low and overnight numbers were 145, 146 and 180. Getting there! happy dance