Looking Back: Dx 1

Looking Back posts are my effort to journal the diabetes times

that have gone before the start of this blog.

Diagnosis 1: Pink, age 10

I think this will work better if I bullet it because that is how it currently resides in my memory.

• Stopping at home before going to school to throw together a couple bags and get favorite stuffed Puppy because no one could tell me if she would be admitted.
• Standing in the kitchen facing the door to go get Pink thinking "I'll just wait 15 min.  Give her 15 minutes more of not knowing.  15 minutes.  15 minutes before everything changes."  I waited 10 minutes.
• Pulling Pink out of class and telling her we have to go to the doctor.  She asks me why, I tell her we are pretty sure you have diabetes, "Oh.  I do?"  Just like that.  As if I had just told her she had two different shoes on.
• No chatting for the 45 min drive to the Children's hospital.  I wonder what she was thinking.  I was not thinking.
• Being feet away from the clinic and not able to figure out how to get into the f-ing parking lot. 
• It was only Pink and myself. 
• During the first blood sugar check I said "She just ate." My innocent and carefree life's last breath for it not to be true.
• Holding it together in the clinic -just don't touch me or show me any sympathy because I'm just barely holding together.
• Did I reassure Pink enough while sitting in that small exam room for 4 hours?
• What the hell is an A1C.  Just saw the chart where the 12 was much higher than the shaded area indicating normal.
• Hands shaking while injecting the saline in the smoochy ball.  Hands not shaking when injecting Pink.

  

  Chicken scratches written
  minutes before injecting
  Pink for the first time.

  
• So thankful that I was born with that switch that makes me be "do what has to be done" in an emergency...or a life changing diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes.
• Pink not saying much of anything.  Typical.
• I was aware enough to know I needed to jot down the instructions for just drawing up and injecting insulin because I think I might have been in a little bit of shock.
• Leaving with 2 huge bags of supplies.  Little did I know that was the tip of the iceberg.
• Saying over and over, to my naive self and everyone else, that it could be worse.  Stupid.  It's all bad no matter what it's called.  I think that was a survival technique.
• Feeling whipped on the ride home and fighting the urge to pull over to check Pink's blood sugar.
• Could no longer hold back some silent tears on the ride home.
• I did not ask "Why me?"  I did ask "Why her?"