Irrational?

I was only going to be gone for 15 min.  She'll be fine. 

We were heading out to the local Friday night High School football game.  Roo was cheering and Pink was making an unprecedented social public appearance.  Translation: she's actually leaving the house because her friends were going to be there so she could hang and not have to watch the game for even one second.

First issue:  It was about 65 degrees outside as we were leaving.  Pink had on very short sleeves and a sleeveless hoodie.  You're going to want a jacket.  But she didn't want to cover her oh-so-cool hoodie and went as far as to take full responsibility if she were to get cold.  It'll be my own fault if I get cold.  I'll be fine. 

Second issue: Do I have to carry my purse everywhere?!  Of course she does! but the look on her face...I was weak.  I think just a touch of burnout is surfacing so I agreed to carry her meter if she stuffed her pocket with Smarties.  Deal.

We arrive.  The minute we stepped out of the car she said I take it back. It's cold. 

Cutting my eyes to her, Sorry, what?  I don't know what you mean.  (Giiirrrl, you gonna be chilly.)

I went looking for her after halftime to check in, tell her I was running home and to hand off the meter.  She gives me that look again.  She doesn't want anything to do with carrying the meter tonight.  And the inner D-ialog begins...

She can't be without her meter even for a minute!  Just force her to take it.  Why can't she just have one night without having a load of crap to carry.  I'll only be gone 15 min.  She'll be fine.  Her check was 150 and she has glucose in her pocket.  Are you crazy?!  Don't risk it!  It just takes one time.  You're an idiot for even considering it.  She..has..glucose..in..her..pocket.


We've got spirit, yes we do
We've got spirit, how 'bout you!



So I left with the meter.  GAH!  I gave her a look (in between her trying to push me on my merry way), told her I'd be back in 15 min and to not hesitate to eat the Smarties.

Pink: Oh, could you please grab my jacket?

I run home feeling uneasy.  I'm tempting fate.  I do my thing, grab the jacket, briefly hoping that I don't have to pay again to get in because I didn't get a stamp.  Surely my cub paw tattoo purchased to support the student council counts as a stamp. 

By the time I'm walking back into the game I catch myself hoofing it so intensely I can feel my (face) cheeks jiggling and my jaw clamped so tight with tension it gives a big POP when I stretch it open.  Telling myself she's fine - she feels her lows - I didn't hear any emergency sirens - I don't see any suspicious circle of people possibly crowed around someone passed out on the ground.

She was fine.

I tell myself to CHILL the freak OUT all the time.  Rationally it was just fine for her not to have her meter for 15 minutes but my D mind is constantly planning the worst.  What if something happened to me?  What if something happened at the football field and we were separated for a longer period of time?  What if...?  What if...?  The stress of the "what if" nearly locked my jaw in that 15 minutes.

Irrational?  Maybe.  But diabetes is not rational so I can't be either. I'm protecting the very lives of my daughters.  So if I have to let my logical thinking brain into crazy town to achieve it, I will.  And everyone carrys their meter so Mamma doesn't end up with lockjaw.