Wordless Wednesday: Distracted

 

Distracted again.

new kitchen tool shown in corner

cookies in there


 

Don't. Touch. Anything.

Don't even breath and behold a miracle (for us).

Pink's numbers since 3:00am Monday (four days ago!)

(including a sleepover):

119

144

131

68

159

138

135

139

131

141

101

90

96

109

144

137

128

        242 -doh

119

Alas - set change tonight 

I may or may not have let this set go past the approved 3 day use

(not medical advice)

Transition Sux-ition

Guys!  This is so hard!  But so important.
Roo has been taking serious, giant steps toward managing her diabetes totally independently.
Below you will see almost the entire exchange between Roo and myself while she was at cheer camp for three nights and four days.  I know it looks long!  But it's not considering every fiber of my being wants to hang on with bloody, shredded fingernails.

Here are her BGs:
172, 265, 188, 117, 150, 136
163, 90, 201, 208, 93, 321
407, 198, 68, 101, 135, 239, 242
211, 234, 77, 114, 159, 359, 305, 126, 88, 239

I think these look great!! She had never done an intensive camp like this on MDI on top of managing mostly on her own. However, when we were talking about it after she got home the first words out of her mouth were "I feel kind of ashamed..."  NO! NO! NO!  Oh my god, she felt ashamed because she didn't count carbs and really pay attention as well as she could have.  Oh baby!  You did fantastic!

I HATE that she felt like this.  I tried to nip this in the bud right away but I don't know how much got through.  I told her how good she did in a difficult environment.  How she'll get better and better with more practice. She kept herself safe, had a majority of BGs within and close to the target we set for the camp and was able to participate fully in the event.  Look how many times she checked her blood sugar. I call that a success!  We went over some things that stuck out that she could work on: over treating of lows, better carb counting and more consistent bolusing.

I know that letting them experience independence and making mistakes is important for learning and this experience really drove this home for me, made a dent in the d-mom emotional side. Because she was in charge, she was more invested in the results. Because she was making the decisions, she was able to identify the problems really quickly during the review (and really while they were happening).

Watching Roo take on this challenge and hearing her reflections also surfaced some heartbreak for me.  The burden and disruptive nature of Type 1 Diabetes was impossible to tuck away in its corner where I normally try to keep it.
l

Wordless Wednesday: Dog Denied

Better Too Much than Not Enough - Cheer Camp

Better too much than not enough, right?  Sometimes I can't stop myself.  Roo off at cheerleading camp for 4 days and then a water park. Cheering, dancing and stunts from morning to bedtime. Diabetes camp = pump, cheer camp = MDI.  And that's just how she rolls.  She went back on MDI about a week before leaving and this will be the first cheer camp on MDI. Gulp.  No disconnecting or nice 50% temp basal for overnight.  We did decide to lower her Lantus by 3 units. So for a girl on MDI and we have no clue what will happen that probably won't like 80% of the food served, behold the loot:

1. two tubs glucose tabs. Can you believe this one doesn't like Glucolift?!

2. package of juice boxes.

3. peanut butter crackers.

4. protein bars.

5. ketone test sticks

6. individual Crystal Lights

7. A couple G1s

8. homebase d-supply bag and smaller bag to pack out sharps

9. syringes. I have a thing about always having a syringe on hand.

10. back-up meter

11. grapes

12. apples

13. Dry Pak for water park. She refuses to wear, I have an anxiety attack.

14. trail mix

15. crackers and peanut butter

16. dum dums 

If there is a lower low I swear by having glucose in the mouth in addition to regular treatment. 

Roo likes suckers, Pink uses sugar pop-sickles.

17. medical alert temp tattoos no jewelry allowed

18. box of test strips

19. fruit snacks

20. box of pen needles

21. emergency kit for coach to carry 

Glucagon,tabs,frosting,extra syringe

Not shown: uh...insulin pens!

My Beauties

At Least I think so.



Roo and Pink
 (and photobombing Smurf)



Life (briefly) Interrupted

(that look has more to do with me than diabetes)

Piss Poor PSA

There is some talk about the International Diabetes Foundation's (IDF) latest public service announcement (PSA): Diabetes Kills.  

All done watching it? 
(I hope I don't get too shredded for this.)

I agree this is a piss-poor PSA. Not because I was offended by the Death Eaters picking people off or because that last poor soul was slammed into the ground only to morph into a tombstone or because my kids might see it but because:

I don't understand what they are trying to convey.  Which totally defeats the point of a PSA!  

If the PSA is targeted toward general public awareness and understanding of what diabetes really is then, personally, I'm OK with a little "Diabetes Kills".  Diabetes does kill.  I think only something really bold is going to break through the misconceptions and stereotypes diabetes and people with diabetes have placed on them.  Both of which need to be broken to get to empathy.  Then real education and action can take root. 

The PSA goes overboard.  I'm sure they intended to go overboard to make a point, but I can see how this might be seen as over-overboard (and smacked it's head on a tombstone).  However, I also don't think the people the IDF are targeting (if it is the uneducated-I'm still not sure) understand the dangers of diabetes.  So where is the perfect balance?  I don't know.  But I do know that some people still think diabetes is caused by eating too much sugar. Wait, is that what it is about?  Still not sure. And then the "Learn how to stay Healthy" totally threw me.  Who are they targeting again?

On the other side of the goes-too-far fence, I also don't like these quotes:

"Diabetes doesn’t kill people; UNCONTROLLED diabetes does.”
“Well-managed diabetes is the leading cause of… NOTHING.”

I get it.  I really do.  They're empowering, positive, motivational and hopeful.  All good and important things, but I think they are misleading and a little false/extreme.  Probably to make a point. 

Camp 2013

Brakes don't fail me now

Translation: WELCOME BACK!

Diabetes camp 2013 was a

really good year! The sign

to the left signals that we are

only a few minutes away.
And they are not kidding about the "hill". 

Straight down to the river valley.  

               

What was your favorite part about diabetes camp this year?

  Roo: Meeting so many great people  (sorry I didn't get pics!)
  Pink: The people in my cabin



"This year I could stay longer." ~Pink

What exactly do they lance
their fingers with at night?

"Best year ever!" ~Roo

The girl in front of us in line was diagnosed only 2 months earlier.

Main lodge

Name one thing (anything) that you learned at camp this year.

  Roo: You have to have graduated to work there 
  Pink: Nothing

No scary stories this year.  Last year Pink had a T1D counselor need some help from some Glucagon at some point.  She was fine and I am still confident of the care given at the camp.  They even do night checks on all the campers and T1D counselors (and sometimes nonD counselors - OOPS!)  

One of the cabin areas

really roughin' it

What was your least favorite thing about camp this year?

   Roo: No chocolate

   Pink: The heat

Apparently there are multiple discussions about the regularity of one's bowels. Well, in Roo's circle anyway. Topics include "have you yet", "how many days has it been" and the like.

speech before getting kids back

Would you recommend diabetes camp to other kids with diabetes?

  Roo: It should be mandatory

  Pink: Definitely

diabetes care everywhere
BGs: 402 and 155

The kids come marching down from the cabins chanting (see movie at the end of this post) and give a small presentation on the stage in the above picture.  Pink was looking at her pump during the presentation which is alarming because she doesn't have a CGM so the pump must have been alarming.  Zero units left.  Great - I didn't bring any insulin with me...well, because I'm picking them up from diabetes camp where there's tons of insulin. So I zipped into the med cabin to fill Pink's reservoir and they just tossed me an entire vial of insulin.  Score!  We filled up in the van.

Add'l swag: backpack
towel, water bottle

If you had to choose between diabetes camp and Children with Diabetes Friends for Life conference at Disney World which would you choose?

  Roo: Camp

  Pink: Both c:

This was the first year both girls went the same week.  It takes three times longer to check in two campers as it does one.  It takes four times longer to check out two campers as it does one.


At the end of the parent's speech they shoot off a really loud canon to signal we are ready for the kids.  Here is a video of the campers and counselors marching down to join the parents. This was our third year of camp and I have yet to keep my shit together when all these beauties march by.

More Random

Fasting blood draw for Pink this morning.
Summering girlie is not too excited about getting out of bed, let alone getting out of bed so someone can drain her of blood.

In the car we were discussing the definition of "fasting".  She had a quizzical look about her but we had arrived and we went into the clinic to check in.  As we were walking up to the reception desk she just says "but last night..."  Uhhhhggg!  I had given her some chocolate milk at midnight to boost a BG of 80-something! Luckily we got the OK and went right back. 

Pink definitely does not like blood draws but has always just got it done.  No hand holding or lightheadedness.  She rocked it like always.

We were walking out and she turns and says "I think I might throw up." A quick-walk to the bathroom where she proceeds to heave up nothing.  What the ???

All done and I ask if she can make it home. She nods, stands up, and simply says,

"That was random."

Love this girl!

Ketone Randomness

Checking the sleeping girls around 7:00am before heading to work greeted with 358 from Pink. Crap.  3:00am was a little high but this is not good. Does not feel right. Check for ketones and "Good Morning" this

most likely a failed site

FourDays Trivia:  Roo has never had ketones.

Shoot up Pink with a load of insulin.  New set.  Water.  Call in late to work. Pink back to sleep.

Finally give into d-mama paranoia and break out this:

Have tried to respect

privacy until now.

Too bad, so sad.

     

                   Seriously with this microscrew

               to enter the battery 

this picture would not
move until I called it a
little shit in this caption.

Luckily? computer down so

just purchase this which so generously

comes with its own Phillips microscrewdriver. 

So impressive the sales rep mentioned it twice. 

I thought at the time "uh, OK".

Clearly I misjudged the genius of the sales rep. 

Sorry.

Couple hours later, 238 BG and .4 ketones.  Get Pink out of bed.  Off to work.

Touch base with Pink a couple times.  BG upper 100 to lower 200, ketones hovering around .2.  Had some lunch.  Odd because she usually gets down to zero. 

Then get text:

"..I feel sick"    "As in throw up..."   Now I feel a little sick.  Call to discuss.

BG 92ish, ketones .2.  Eat a few uncovered carbs to get BG up.

Later, BG 154, ketones .4.  Still considered negative but too weird.  Leave work.  Unsettled. 

Change everything out: insulin, reservoir, tubing, set and never before used site.

Just waiting for vomit to join us. Maybe Hoping she's just hungover from 2.0 ketones from morning?

AND. THE. WORLD. STOPS.  Only two ketone strips left!!

like gold
(but more expensive)

they get the job done

Plus a friend's daughter has been very thirsty and peeing and at the doctor right then.  Heard the doctor only took a urine sample and did not draw any blood.  What if I need to rush a ketone strip over and narrowly save this youngin's life that the doctor so foolishly threw aside? (this last sentence is only a dramatization).  Time to break out good ol' reliable and pray they are not expired.

FourDays Trivia: Peeing on a Ketostix, probably the easiest thing about T1D, was the one thing the girls would complain and whine about when first diagnosed.  I think because it was the one thing that had any wiggle room.



This is getting too long with no real point so I'm bailing. <--Now that is some superior blogging right there.

The rest of the evening saw 65, (fyi-survival hunger overrides nauseated), 200, down (please don't vomit), a little up, down, underbolusing, down, pee stick clear, chocolate milk and finally leveling out around 5:30am at 135 with never a vomit spewed.

Love Life

Posted by Roo this past weekend.



"Happiness is all in your head. Love life. Be positive."



Look Who's Still Here

When I was young, or even only younger, I thought I could
So I guess I have a stress limit.  After diagnosis, I learned right away that

I can not structure a coherent sentence.  So I haven't written.  An actual conversation with me will test your patience.

In January, this exploded to new levels.  I don't know have a clue what to do and it has been more frightening than the diabetes diagnoses.  I'm not good with things I can't figure out.  Diabetes comes with instructions, meds, goals, actions that yield results (mostly), allowance of slight denial of the real d-evil* so life can be lived.  This, not so much.  I've enlisted as many resources as possible.  Thanks to those tools, an unbelievably supportive school and the nastiest stubborn streak I have ever produced (which is saying A LOT) we made it to the end of the school year.  It was day by day.  Hell, we've done day by day before, right!  But with this I feel lost and helpless.  We both emotionally collasped when school was finally done for the year.  We had some pretty dark moments.  I'm fucking scared.  She fucking doesn't deserve this!

Now that I'm typing this I can feel I need to type it all out but it is a story I don't feel free to tell in more detail than the post linked above.  My internal it could be worse-count your blessings chant does not have the same impact as usual.  But I know that will turn around.  I have my girls.  I have my job.  I have a place to live, food to eat and insulin.

Also, we are in the middle of that other D thing that has a 90 day waiting period in most states.

Need sleep*.  Yuck.  Sorry* so whiney.

*linked in honor of Pink and her our escape and something we can connect with - I'll take anything

Distractions of a Middle School Lunchroom

for the love of a holy in-range blood glucose reading

please remember to bolus for lunch

next up is food in a
sealed envelope

Eat Your Veggies



My girls will not ingest a single piece of food that is green. 

Except a green M&M. 

I don't know where I went wrong but at some point they just stopped eating vegetables.  So this recipe is perfect to get some protein and veggies into a girl who doesn't like meat or veggies.

This links to the recipe I ripped off. 

Below is the version I make that Roo gobbles up.

What Roo calls Zucchini Patties

Grate 1 cup of zucchini.

fingernails optional

Salt and drain for 30 min to remove excess water

photo bombed by Roo

Rinse and smash 1 can black beans

I love smashing things

Combine:

the zucchini

the smashed beans

1 egg

20 crushed saltines

1/4 cup Mexican shredded cheese blend

2T chili powder

1/4 t cumin

1/4 t salt

I mix it together with my hands like a meatloaf or a salmon/chicken patty. 

Oh - did your mom ever make salmon patties using salmon from a can

where sometimes you saw that spine looking thing?  No?

not dog food

I just form them into patties and fry them in a little olive oil.

Yum!

I eat mine with salsa and sour cream. 

Roo is a ketchup girl. 

Pink opts out.

that's a bread plate
they are about the size of
a small hamburger

I make 5 patties at ~20 carbs each.

A shout out to Roo who is slowly eating more veggies, two bites of sauteed zucchini or roasted or steamed cauliflower or broccoli and cauliflower smothered in cheese sauce or kale chips. 



Bub's Best Bundt

Bigfoot tell make Bub's favorite cake.  So did.  Bigfoot have all the goods.

Baking night
Easy to mix up.  I only have a regular sized Bundt pan.  Don't think I've ever measured up so much brown sugar or cinnamon for one recipe.  Beware children circling, whimpering and howling like dogs waiting for fried bacon. 

Roo: "I've never smelled anything like that!"


In the meantime, double torture for Pink smelling such heaven while fighting a stubborn low.  For 10 hrs 1 hour 15 min and 60+ fast acting carbs: 61, 55, 76, 71, 76, 96, 132.*  Sky high later.

Observations:

• Cake really ginormous, 100 lbs, doughnut shaped, yummiest cinnamon muffin/pumpkin bread-no pumpkin.
• Must get half Bundt pan
• Bake time 55 min
• I spill the powdered sugar every blessed time
• I was not able to wait for cooling.  Had 1/2 piece while warm even though this is the kind best next day.
• Bub's numbers freaky high after eating.  Pink's numbers freaky low while baking.**

Eat test

Roo: non-compliant
Pink:
100 wake out of bed (sounds good but 30 pts down from 2.5hrs earlier when I left for work)
Eat Bub's Best Bundt cake and love + granola bar
108 1 hr pp
136 2 hr pp (6 units iob!)
189 2.5 hr pp

Conclusions
All test subjects have Type 1 Diabetes.
Bolus worthy.

*I know, lots of checks for short period of time.  She kept saying things like "I feel lower."  "I'm dropping again." "Why isn't it coming up?"  The look in her eyes...
**I think she is coming into a period of decreased insulin needs.

Wordless Wednesday: Congruous Packing



1 cardboard box, 1 plastic sleeve, 1 bubble wrap sleeve,
1 ice tube, 1 pillow envelope for 1 box priceless cargo. 



Intractable Thoughts

Friday was such a good day.  Sort of a breakthrough day for some issues around here.  Pink spent the morning at school.  I picked her up at noon, dropped her off at home, told her I would be working late and I would be calling to check in like normal. Off I went to get in some much needed work hours.  I got distracted at work and didn't call until 4:00.

Intractable Thoughts:

huh.  no answer. dial again.  no answer.  come on, come on. I'll wait a few minutes.  probably in the potty. couple minutes. no answer. don't freak-sometimes she can park it in the bathroom as long as the dad. no answer. hanging up before the answering machine can pick so as to have a continuous ring. no answer. again. no answer. dammit. she's so low she doesn't comprehend what the ringing is. no answer. she's passed out. no answer. how long has it been. 15 minutes. shit. there is a reasonable explanation.  then answer the freakin phone.  maybe on computer with loud music.  not logged into facebook.  damn.  no answer.  again.  no answer.  she's been on the floor for hours now because I didn't call earlier to verify a check. time to go. if I don't go, she'll be dead on the floor.  if I do go it'll be OK.  at least it's not snowing.  I've gotta calm down.  breathe in. breathe out.  shit-slow down.  if I kill myself on the highway no one will be home for another couple hours.  I really need to make a if-something-happens-to-mommy document.  please be ok. what would that do to Roo.  what if something happens to one.  how would the other get through that. too dark. she's fine. wonder what the dog is doing if she is in trouble. almost there. review if on floor; frosting in gum, 911 on speaker, glucagon, roll on side, check BG, lock dog in room out of the way. who do I call if...no.  don't hit the garage door with car. why am I pulling into the garage. damn, my legs are wobbly.  in the door. not in main part of house.  Pink? nothing. napping? tired because low?! PINK! omigod, where?! please please no no no. must be in back of the house, turn corner.  hear KPop. shower running.  knock, knock.

"Yeah?" Pink says.

Another One

Roo just told me another child was diagnosed in our school.

GAH!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ 

(add any and all other expletives here)

That makes 8 in grades 5-12.

EIGHT!

In a town of ~6000.

heartbroken

Intractable

Intractable

Not a word in my every day vocabulary.

But now it will be.