A First in Two Years

Scotcheroos!

I haven't made them in more than two years.  Sometime before October, 2010 to be exact.  But the girls keep asking.  I have been assigned dessert for the cheerleaders this Homecoming Friday so here they are.  And they are so naughty and yummy!! 

They are perhaps the best Scotcheroos in the world.

(it's the butter - as recommended by a local cookie shop owner)

totally bolus worthy

Looking Back: Mind Controlling Blood Sugars

Looking Back posts are my effort to journal the diabetes times

that have gone before the start of this blog.

A few days after Pink's diagnosis, getting ready for one of my 10 trips to the grocery store in 3 days, I asked if there was a favorite candy she wanted to treat lows.  You know, during that time they could have absolutely anything they wanted to treat a low and they could have as much diet soda as their little hearts desired because...well...because.  Pink requested candy corn.  Being as it was October, that I could do.

I checked her blood sugar and all was well so off I went.  And you know the number had to be good for me to go to the store and leave her at home.  And you know I flew through that store thinking I would return home to find her unconscious on the floor with nobody else paying the slightest bit of mind.  I know you did the same those early days!

ohmmm...low blood sugar...ohmmm



When I got home and verified she was still upright at the computer, I unpacked the groceries.  I set the bag of candy corn on the table.  Pink saw it and was obviously disappointed she couldn't have any.  She didn't want a shot.  I told her she could have some the next day at a meal.  The poor thing went back to the computer.



My hand raised, I swear to the Corn King of Candy, 15 minutes later I hear from the other room "I feel low."  I check her and as sure as candy corn is nasty, she was low. 

"You did that on purpose!" I said.  "Candy corn coming up."

The Power of the Bracelet

Today I went to the TCOYD conference.  My favorite thing from the conference is my You Can Do This Project bracelet.  A tangible item that represents all the support the DOC gives me.  You give me more than I can ever repay.  Thank you! 

The bracelet ((hugs)) my wrist and touching it gives me strength. 
 

It will give me super powers to ward off the evil that is diabetes.  Just try to get at me or my girls!  With lightning fast reflexes I will block, reflect and crush all advances.  pstshoo, pstshoo!



artwork by alex ross 



"All women can do wonders if they're put to the test." -Wonder Woman (S1, E2)







"Laura? ...Roo passed out."

Incoming call from Roo's cell phone:

CheerCoach:  Laura?  This is CheerCoach.  Roo is OK, she's OK, but she passed out.

Me: <buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz in my head><30 min away><why the fuck am I not there>

CC:  She is OK  We checked her blood sugar and she is 208.  What should we do? 

Me: She is alert?

CC:  Yes, the girls had her eat a cookie.  She is laying on the track.

lots of chatter, chatter, chatter in the background.  I can hear Roo's voice.

Me: Clean her fingers and check again.  There should be a wet wipe or alcohol swab in the top of her cooler.  Make sure the finger is dry.  Is the medic for the game still there?

CC: No, I think she left.  Roo keeps yelling to you that she's is OK.  She loves you.  She's OK.

that girl - my pulse drops from 200 to 150
if you can call it small talk while waiting for the number

Me: Is she able to check herself?  I wish I was there, I'd have that blood on there in two seconds.

CC: She says her hands are shaky
Me: What happened?
CC:  They were cheering the football players.  They won the game.
Me:  Maybe she fainted because they won.  nervous laughter all around.  Have that number yet?
CC:  199.  Should we wait or get on the bus or...?  The medic is here now.
pulse drops to 110

Me:  Does the medic see anything non-diabetic?

CC:  No.  Roo is still saying she is fine.
Me:  Can I talk to her?

Roo:  Hi.  I'm fine really.  I didn't feel anything but I wasn't paying attention.  I just noticed I couldn't feel my legs and then I was rolling over and everyone was coming towards me and looking at me.

Me:  You don't feel low or wiped out?
Roo:  No.  My hands are shaky but I didn't feel low and I feel fine now.  I think I can walk to the bus.
Me:  OK.  I think you are fine to get on the bus but I want you to check every 15 minutes. 
Roo:  OK.
Me: Let me talk to CC
I hear someone in the background say "If this had been New York you'd have laid there for 2 days."  Turns out it was the head football coach.  hardy har har.
Me to CC: I think she's fine to get on the bus but I've asked her to check every 15 minutes so if you could just make sure she does and then texts me the number.
CC:  Absolutely.  I'll be sitting right behind her so I'll make sure she does that.
Me:  Thank you so much.

Texts that follow:

Fixed her up at home.  No ketones (.3 on meter).  She's never had ketones so maybe that is enough to make her tummy feel bad.  Maybe it was adrenaline crash.

So what the hell happened?  Regular person faint from lack of blood and oxygen to brain from yelling?  No food?  I haven't asked her if she ate.  Unknown, obscure, diabetes related, never heard of crap ass thing? 

I have that conference tomorrow.  Pink has been sick for 4 days and now this.  Maybe I can go late once the girls are awake and safe.  I wonder if a diabetes conference will accept a diabetes related tardiness?

I Miss Before

I miss running out the door with keys, wallet and two kids in tow

I miss when it was only irritating to forget my phone

I miss carefree slumber

I miss staying up late to finish a good book

I miss sending the girls to sleepovers with no worries

I miss not having to explain

I miss when the biggest worry about school was if someone was going to be mean to my girls

I miss rarely going to the doctor

I miss using my vacation days for whatever I want

I miss not categorizing a photograph as before or after

I miss the the occasional (what I now know to be) quite mind

I miss when the main focus on sick days was if they could make it to the toilet in time

I miss watching the girls run and play and not seeing a dropping blood sugar

I miss an extra $300 a month

I miss feeling only mommy guilt when separated from the girls

I miss seeing a certain innocence in their eyes

I miss seeing beautiful young skin without site spots

I miss when days and days could pass with no pain inflicted on my girls

I miss thinking about the girls' futures with only curious wonder

Today I miss Before

Irrational?

I was only going to be gone for 15 min.  She'll be fine. 

We were heading out to the local Friday night High School football game.  Roo was cheering and Pink was making an unprecedented social public appearance.  Translation: she's actually leaving the house because her friends were going to be there so she could hang and not have to watch the game for even one second.

First issue:  It was about 65 degrees outside as we were leaving.  Pink had on very short sleeves and a sleeveless hoodie.  You're going to want a jacket.  But she didn't want to cover her oh-so-cool hoodie and went as far as to take full responsibility if she were to get cold.  It'll be my own fault if I get cold.  I'll be fine. 

Second issue: Do I have to carry my purse everywhere?!  Of course she does! but the look on her face...I was weak.  I think just a touch of burnout is surfacing so I agreed to carry her meter if she stuffed her pocket with Smarties.  Deal.

We arrive.  The minute we stepped out of the car she said I take it back. It's cold. 

Cutting my eyes to her, Sorry, what?  I don't know what you mean.  (Giiirrrl, you gonna be chilly.)

I went looking for her after halftime to check in, tell her I was running home and to hand off the meter.  She gives me that look again.  She doesn't want anything to do with carrying the meter tonight.  And the inner D-ialog begins...

She can't be without her meter even for a minute!  Just force her to take it.  Why can't she just have one night without having a load of crap to carry.  I'll only be gone 15 min.  She'll be fine.  Her check was 150 and she has glucose in her pocket.  Are you crazy?!  Don't risk it!  It just takes one time.  You're an idiot for even considering it.  She..has..glucose..in..her..pocket.


We've got spirit, yes we do
We've got spirit, how 'bout you!



So I left with the meter.  GAH!  I gave her a look (in between her trying to push me on my merry way), told her I'd be back in 15 min and to not hesitate to eat the Smarties.

Pink: Oh, could you please grab my jacket?

I run home feeling uneasy.  I'm tempting fate.  I do my thing, grab the jacket, briefly hoping that I don't have to pay again to get in because I didn't get a stamp.  Surely my cub paw tattoo purchased to support the student council counts as a stamp. 

By the time I'm walking back into the game I catch myself hoofing it so intensely I can feel my (face) cheeks jiggling and my jaw clamped so tight with tension it gives a big POP when I stretch it open.  Telling myself she's fine - she feels her lows - I didn't hear any emergency sirens - I don't see any suspicious circle of people possibly crowed around someone passed out on the ground.

She was fine.

I tell myself to CHILL the freak OUT all the time.  Rationally it was just fine for her not to have her meter for 15 minutes but my D mind is constantly planning the worst.  What if something happened to me?  What if something happened at the football field and we were separated for a longer period of time?  What if...?  What if...?  The stress of the "what if" nearly locked my jaw in that 15 minutes.

Irrational?  Maybe.  But diabetes is not rational so I can't be either. I'm protecting the very lives of my daughters.  So if I have to let my logical thinking brain into crazy town to achieve it, I will.  And everyone carrys their meter so Mamma doesn't end up with lockjaw.

almost Wordless Wednesday

Pink's got a tummy bug. 

Yesterday only bolused for half of what she ate and never went over 140. 

Today bolused 60% and made it up to 174.

tummy bug recovery tray - carb a la carte